This post was submitted by Ivy Tech student and ASB participant Brianna P.

I can’t believe I only have a couple days in Mexico left. Although it has felt like I haven’t been in the US forever, I still want to stay a little longer. Let me tell you a couple of things I have done so far and some things that has happened from the last time I blogged till now.

A couple days ago, I think on Wednesday I had an emotional talk with Juana (the woman in charge). It was so random and right before we were about to leave to finish up Augustina’s concrete floor. She asked me, since she knew I was bi-racial, whether I call myself African American or Mexican and so I told her the basics of my life and certain circumstances and told her Mexican, since that was the family and culture I was raised in. Then she asked so how does that affect me and those around me since I don’t look “typically” Mexican and I went on to tell her how hard it is to fit in and that all of my life I have been struggling with it. I told her that it’s hard for anyone to understand unless they are bi-racial themselves, it’s a constant tug and pull on your mind and heart. I see my beautiful mother with her light skin and black hair and as well as the rest of my family and when I was younger I didn’t understand why, but now when I look in the mirror I don’t really see a race. I just see a Latina woman since that’s all I KNOW. It’s harder than you may think, I have faced many stops in my life because of this as well as racism. Some African Americans feel that I think I am “too good” to claim that side or feel that I’m trying to be something I’m not since at first glance you’ll probably think I’m 100% black. And they make it so obvious that it hurts, and sometimes girls can be so mean, especially when you’re growing up. Some Mexicans do not want to accept me fully because I don’t look like them or my Spanish may be broken (although it has gotten super better on this trip) and that’s confusing for me because I view Mexican as being my race. As you can see it’s a see-saw of emotions and Juana started to tell her the racism she faces because she is darker and in Mexico, being dark isn’t really a good thing. Look at Miss Mexico when the Miss Universe Pagent starts, they are usually light-skinned. As well as the Mexican soap operas (lightskinned!) and even music stars (lightskinned!), as you can see there’s little place to glorify the brown-skinned Mexicans in Mexico. She said when she left Mexico she faced tons of racism and could never find her place and people would even call her the “N” word, which by the way, makes no SENSE, and those people are ignorant. So of course I started crying because she was expressing how I felt and I didn’t know she could identify with me like that. It was a good talk.

Another day we went to an indigenous village whose people are direct descendents of Aztecs. The village was extremely poor and it was interesting because they spoke Natuatl (sp) a native Aztec language. We separated our clothes we brought back and made little bags for the boys and girls. When the people got there we realized that even though we had a lot of stuff it was barely enough for everyone. The people were so needy and it frustrated me when they didn’t want something! After that I had a big headache for stressing about the situation, I wanted to give more, but there is only so much can give. Interesting enough, they had hot springs that attract tourists and others who use it for spiritual purposes. We got to go in and it felt wonderful, it felt so ancient like I was living back then when the Aztecs were still reigning. Jamie helped me come up with a new Blaxican name…Blaxi-tec lol! We had to take two trucks because we had to bus so most of the group went while me, Eliza and Mark stayed to wait for Juana to pick us up. This was probably one of the funniest and random moments on the trip because we stayed in this indigenous village for like an hour and a half looking dumb. I was sure they were gonna sacrifice us, I mean come on, a Mexican, a Blaxican and a super-tall white guy in a village full of Aztec-related people sounds tempting. Lol. We were okay though, and we placed with some little kids and ate some candy and finally Juana showed up. The trip back was funny because me and Eliza sat in back of a truck on the rocky road home and we have never felt so Mexican before lol.

Yesterday we helped another woman and her 6 kids by building a new bathroom and cleaning their house. It was frustrating to see this woman so out of it and not really get it. Her son Victor was so smart and polite, he seemed so out of place that we wished we could get him the education he deserves. We washed clothes in the river old-fashioned style with rocks too. Eliza and I were also given the chance to make some friends are age and they are pretty awesome! I will miss them and the laughs we had together. Augustina came to visit us one more time and moved me to tears. I love that woman! She is so strong despite everything she has been through, she always puts her kids first and that’s amazing. She reminds me of my mother and I plan to keep in touch with her if she needs anything.

Well I’m on the bus going to who knows where now. So I will blog later before we leave Mexico for good. Adios y Besitos!